Paint my Soul {johnny boy}

[jonathanhardcastle]

THERE ARE MANY THINGS I'D LIKE TO SAY TO

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YOU BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW. [/size][/color] [/color][/center]

"Sure, sure. Laugh now but you've been warned," he joked, giving her a small wink. He couldn't even think of one way to kill someone with the aforementioned objects, though maybe if he actually sat down and thought about it he may be able to. Though of course, he wouldn't ever actually give that serious thought. He had no reason to kill anyone and he seriously doubted that he ever would.

Jonathan listened to her questions with a subtle sadness. These were rhetorical questions he believed that almost everyone asked themselves at some point. Though Sophia had always been so optimistic about love, given that she was a hopeless romantic, that he still couldn't help but be surprised that she was being downtrodden about the matter. He didn't really understand why she was apologizing, they were clearly past that point in their friendship. "I think everyone asks themselves those questions at one point or another. It's easy to blame unrealistic expectations we may have about love on fairy tales. But even if I had never heard a single story like that, I'm pretty sure I'd have the same expectations just from growing up with happy parents," he replied, speaking slowly as he normally did. "But its always nice to have stories to blame for expecting some sort of storybook romance, its just easier that way," he added with a laugh. It always helped him feel better anyways, to blame someone for his idealistic and highly unrealistic mindset when it came to love. Though now he'd been jaded, he knew love wasn't always going to be the fairytale it was so constantly painted as, there was still that small part of him that believed such a romance was waiting out there for him somewhere. Of course, he never really liked to voice these opinions aloud. It all sounded like something a girl should be saying. He already knew he wasn't the epitome of masculinity and sometimes that irked him but when one was granted with gifts in the classroom rather than on the Quidditch Pitch, things just turned out that way.

Jonathan laughed heartily at her reaction. He couldn't really blame her for reacting that way, even if she knew he was completely joking. He wouldn't like to hear her say something like that about his father, that would just be utterly absurd. "Ah, come on now. You know I didn't actually mean that," he assured her, though a childish grin was now plastered on his face. "Besides, I don't think your mum's exactly the cougar-type anyways. I'd be chasing false dreams," he added, just to get a rise out of her. He normally wouldn't have been comfortable enough to joke like this but given that it was Sophia, someone he could truly be himself around, there were hardly any inhibitions.

Jonathan couldn't help but laugh loudly at her impersonation of a Beauxbatton's girl. "Wow, your french accent is absolutely horrible," he teased. "But I'd imagine that's probably what they sound like. I've never really gotten a good vibe from any French girls, they all seem rather...um, pretentious?" he commented, his voice raising slightly at the end as he tried to find the right word to describe them. "But I'm sure your father would have loved for you to go there. Granted, he probably would have found something to worry about. He really does make a fuss over you," he said honestly. Though he couldn't honestly blame her dad; it was a male's job to be protective, especially over their daughter. He couldn't imagine that he'd be much different in the future whenever he had children of his own. "Can't believe you just hated on your own gender though. Aren't girls supposed to be saying bad stuff about us guys?" he teased, though he was genuinely curious. It seemed like traditionally it was supposed to be that way, women hating on men and such. But lately he'd heard more girls hating on one another. It was just a little odd in his opinion.

"Oh you know me, I always have a party on my agenda. Party animal, right here," he joked as he pointed towards himself. "Nah, but seriously, I can probably pencil you in somewhere..." He shot a smile towards her. She knew he had never been the partying type and he knew she'd had one bad experience. It wasn't to say that he never drank, he had a couple of times before, but he didn't really like who he became when he consumed alcohol. He got noisy and talked far too much without thinking. It just wasn't his gig. Also, generally at parties you had to be surrounded by people who were all loud and rowdy, just looking for trouble or girls just throwing themselves at you in desperation. It was all rather annoying and he just really didn't want a part in it. He was thankful that Sophia wasn't one to party because she surely would have dragged him along with her.

He chortled at her comment. "Glad to be of service. But you probably shouldn't be using my own tricks against me, that's just poor form," he replied with a small smile on his face. "Alright, I'll give you a week or two. If I'm still rubbish after that, you have to promise me that you'll just give up on me and let me live my life as a poor wizard who just can't fly a broom to save his life, deal?" He doubted she'd concede but it was worth a try anyways. He laughed hollowly, "Oh yeah, let's just mutter 'reparo.' That's sure to do the trick." If he broke something, he'd probably be able to fix it himself or at least attempt to do so anyways. If worse came to worst, he knew that her mother would be able to fix him up just fine. She was handy when it came to mending bones, something he was thankful for as he'd hurt himself at her house a couple of times before.

"I know. And sometimes I don't understand you either. But I'm willing to look past that if you are," he replied lightly, hoping to ease the tension which always arouse when talking about Scorpius. It was really a subject which was better left under the rug, without either of them mentioning it. It just never went well, ever. Mainly because they were both far too stubborn when it came to their opinions of him.

"Well, I guess I can keep away from his wife. I'm sure that would put me on his black list for life," he commented, returning her teasing grin with one of his own.

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[shona3]

IT'S ME - I'M A FREAK
( but thanks for loving me )
CAUSE YOU'RE DOING IT PERFECTLY.

His words made her laugh even more. “Oh no, I’m trembling from fright, now” she told him with a wink. The boy would never be able to hurt someone. He simply didn’t have it in him, she knew that. She knew he was too good of a person to hurt anyone. He’d had reason to hurt people in the past, but he never had. He’d always controlled himself. There were times, where had Sophia been in his shoes she would have hurt someone, but he always managed to keep his cool and control himself. “You know you’re the last person I can see harming someone, you’re just too good of a person”/ Sophia was thinking of when he had found out what Roxanne had done, she knew she would have slapped a guy if he did that to her, she might even have slapped the other girl, but Johnathan hadn’t. He’d simply taken his hurt and walked away. Sure, he didn’t have a good word to say to either Roxanne or James, but he had never hurt them. She didn’t know anyone else who would have done that, she’d heard many guys say that if that had happened to them there would have been blood spilt. It was scary to think that people were ruled to that extent by their emotions.

Sophia sighed and placed her head on his shoulder, “I suppose you’re right, and it is nicer to blame some man you never knew then to blame your own parents for your broken dreams” she said after a moment of thought. She personally hated those people who blamed their parents for everything, your parents had already given you the gift of life, they were the reason you were alive. You owed them a little respect, a little faith as well. She wasn’t saying that parents were perfect people, she knew they made mistakes, but they did you their best for their child, and the people who constantly basked them, simply got on her nerves. Maybe she was being overly naïve, or assuming that all families were like hers and that they all loved each to her. But she truly found it hard to believe that a parent didn’t have at least an ounce of affection for their offspring. As the old saying went Blood is thicker than water, and how could someone completely turn their back on their own flesh and blood, it didn’t make sense to her.

She kept her head on his shoulder as she slightly shook her head at his reaction. “Oh I know you’re joking, but just imagine that I told you I wanted to shag you’re father. I’m sure that’s something you’ve always wanted to hear me say” she said lightly with a smile. She knew the affect her words would have on him. She knew he’d feel the way she had moments ago. “No she isn’t, dear lord I just can’t imagine her with anyone but dad, it’s so odd that we can’t see our parents with anyone else. It’s hard to even imagine them having lives before they got married and started a little family of their own you know? But then again I can’t even imagine reaching the age of twenty; I just have this impending sense off doom. It like I think that something going to stop me from being twenty, like the day before I turn twenty I’ll get hit be lightening or something. I just can’t see myself as a twenty year old “ she told him nonchalantly. It wasn’t that she was having suicidal thoughts, or that she thought she would get murdered or something, she just simply couldn’t imagine what her life would be like once she reached the age of twenty.

She laughed along with him, “Usually, I’d take that as an insult, but seeing as we are against the French today, in a true patriotic British manner, I’ll take it as a compliment” she informed him with what she hoped to be a straight face, yet she couldn’t keep it, she soon began to smile and her straight face crumbled.

She smiled sweetly when he said her father made too much of a fuss over her. She agreed, but she knew why he did it, she was her daddy’s little girl, she always had been and she knew that she always would be. Her father meant the world to her and she was extremely close to him. “I can see you being the same way in 30 odd years. Your daughter will have some friend, who just happens to be a boy and you will lose it. I can see it now; it will be quiet amusing to watch. But he only does it because ‘m the youngest and the only girl. He means well, he just doesn’t want me to be harmed,” she justified softly. She knew Johnathan wasn’t insulting her father, but that didn’t quench the urge she felt to defend him.

She raised an eyebrow and looked at him “You do realize that my best friend is a boy right?” se asked him. “There is a reason for that” she informed him. “but if you’d live I can hate on guys too, I’m not sexist you know” she said with a small smile.“Anyways, are you saying you disagree with what I said?” she asked.
“If you can’t fly a broom after two weeks of me teaching you, I swear I will disown you.”she looked into his eyes as she said this in a very serious tone. She knew that by the end of the two weeks he’d be able to fly all, he needed was some confidence in his abilities and a bit of help with his steering. After all flying really wasn’t that hard. It came naturally to witches and wizards. At least that’s what she was always told.

As frustrated as she was on his position on Scorpius she couldn’t help but laugh at his words. He made them sound like some sappy couple working through relationship problems. With a giggle she shook her head. She knew that this topic was over, it never ended well with them and there was no point arguing over it now. Scorpious didn’t like her that way, so there was no point ruining perfectly good friendship over a nonexistent relationship. “Oh stop that, you’re making us sound like a couple going through a rough patch. By the way break over, sit still again, I need to finish the main parts of you face today. “ she told him as she straightened herself up and picked up her charcoal pencil in her hand again. She looked at her models then said with a smile “That will help, not hitting on a man’s wife usually makes him like you a bit more. “

TAGGED.
WORDS.
NOTES.
LYRICS. Whataya Want From Me - Adam Lambert
MUSIC.
CREDITS. TO JURATE. AT CAUTION.

[jonathanhardcastle]

THERE ARE MANY THINGS I'D LIKE TO SAY TO

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YOU BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW. [/size][/color] [/color][/center]

Trying desperately to keep his face straight he responded, "Just as you should be." However, it didn't take very long for a lopsided smile to break through his serious facade. Jonathan had never been confrontational enough to ever want to hurt someone. The most he had ever done was throw harsh words at someone and usually he eventually apologized. He just wasn't the fighting type, which some would probably see as cowardly, but he generally wasn't all that ashamed of it. Nothing came from violence, nothing good anyways. That was the philosophy which his parents had raised him to believe and honestly, it was hard for Jonathan to find an argument against their ideals. And that was saying something for a boy who could play devil's advocate to just about any topic.

It was as though Sophia was reading his mind, which wasn't necessarily uncommon. She had an odd habit of being able to do that - perhaps it was natural for friends who were as close as they were. "Thanks," he murmured, unsure if it was necessarily a good thing that he would never hurt someone. He'd heard many people think that he ought to have at least struck James after what had happened. Was it strange that he'd been able to walk away from him easily? "I can't exactly see you hurting anyone either," he added, though he thought that went without saying. In his eyes, Sophia was almost perfectly innocent, incapable of doing wrong. Sure, the two of them had their arguments but she'd never done anything hurtful to him, not ever. It was hard to find people as kindhearted as she was.

Jonathan rested his own head on Sophia's. The familiar scent crept up his nose. Her hair always had the faint smell of vanilla. He had never been sure if it was her natural scent or the shampoo she used but her golden curls always smelled like vanilla to him. It was a comforting smell. "Very true. Besides, its the storybooks that gave us all the idea of soulmates. Of there only being one person out there for everyone. There really can't be much truth to that," he rambled. The whole idea of soulmates was just impractical. How could there only be one person for everyone? What about the people who had divorced and found love again? And then that would lead to the idea that there were several different kinds of soulmates. Sure, there was the one whom was traditional, the one you were supposed to marry and all of that. But how could friends not be soulmates, if one was to look at the term literally? He was really giving this more thought than it deserved, it was an old wives tale in his opinion. But he had the habit of doing that, giving things far more thought than they were entitled to receive.

"Ugh, Sophia. That's really gross and just entirely different," he retorted in a disgusted tone. Though she got her point across effectively. "But I get your point. I wont' talk about your mum that way anymore, as long as you promise not to ever say that about my father again, even if you're just messing around," he added with a laugh. He knew she had only been joking but still, sometimes one got mental images of things that just scarred them. An image of your friend trying to seduce your father was one of those. Twenty did seem far away. It wasn't all that far away in reality but it was just far enough was it was hard to grab the concept firmly. "I know what you mean. Its hard to picture myself at that age. Even though I have a pretty good idea of what I'll be doing then, you know in school and everything, but I just can't really imagine what it'd be like. I have a hard time imagining what its going to be like when I'm seventeen. You know, legal and all of that." It was strange to think about the future, very strange indeed. Although he had always been one to plan, he still had a difficult time actually envisioning himself carrying out those plans. Growing up was both exhilarating and frightening all at once. "Can you imagine that we're going to be forty one day?" he asked with a short laugh but quickly dismissed the idea. He didn't want to imagine himself that old. It was just so...old.

Jonathan laughed once again. That was one of the best things about Sophia. No matter what kind of day he was having, she always had the ability to make him smile. "Well we wouldn't be good British citizens if we didn't hate on the French every now and again." It would have been strange if Sophia had actually gone to that school. He would have never met her. He couldn't help but wonder how different his experience at Hogwarts would have been without her presence.

Oh no. She was getting defensive. He honestly hadn't meant to upset her. Though her father didn't necessarily like him, Jonathan had nothing but respect for him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult your father or anything. You're perfectly right. If I have a daughter, I'll be just like your dad, if not worse. I'm already bad enough with being protective over my sister," he replied, knowing that he really did shelter Alyson more than he should. "Actually, you know I have a new found understanding for your dad. He treats you almost exactly the same way I treat her," he added with a smile. He truly hoped that he hadn't made her think he disliked her father or thought ill of him. Why else would he want the bloke to like him so much?

"Yeah, I guess you're right on that one. I'm glad you don't think I'm catty," he teased. "But by all means, you can stick to bashing other girls. You can be as sexist as you'd like," he replied jokingly. He shrugged his shoulders slightly, "I can't say I do disagree. But not all girls are like that. Actually, pretty much you're the only one I know who isn't like that. Well, you and Tinsley anyways. But us guys have our own set of issues as well." He added the last part mainly in attempt to not sound like the stereotypical male pig. He really wasn't like that but Sophia knew him well enough to know that.

The seriousness in her tone shocked him slightly. "Disown me? Don't you think that's a bit harsh? Some people just aren't meant to fly," he defended. Though he knew she was probably right. If he didn't learn by then, he was utterly hopeless. Besides, he couldn't think of a better teacher. And if she really thought he was only going to get hurt out of the experience, she would let him stop. Hopefully. Actually, she probably wouldn't. She'd be determined since day one to get him flying. Thankfully, it had taken six years for her to actually stick to her word.

Thankfully, his words had done the trick. Rather than looking frustrated, she was laughing. Always a good sign. After shifting his position back to where he'd originally been for her drawing he commented, "Close enough. We're friends that were going through a rough patch. But you know, we should probably stop talking about him. It never does any good." He knew that he should probably be more open-minded about the whole ordeal but it was really difficult for him. Sometimes he wondered if that was because he harbored feelings that were deeper than friendship for her but he always dismissed those thoughts instantly, preferring not to dwell on the subject. Jonathan chuckled, "I'll make sure to be on my best behavior then."

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[shona3]

IT'S ME - I'M A FREAK
( but thanks for loving me )
CAUSE YOU'RE DOING IT PERFECTLY.

Sophia felt something inside her break when he said he couldn’t see her hurt someone. Poor bloke he viewed her as a completely innocent child, which she wasn’t she was the reason that there was a dead boy. She was the reason there was a perfectly normal girl had turned into a raving lunatic. She was more than capable of hurting someone; it was just her innocent looking face that fooled people. “I can, and I have,” she said quietly “Not everyone is like you,” she told him kindly. She didn’t mean the words as an indictment, they were the truth.

She smiled as he said his theory about soul mates. “Maybe, but I’d like to think there is, I’d like to think that there really is one person for everyone. The only problem with that is that there are just too many people in the world, what if you never meet that person?” She felt his head on top of hers a smiled. This was a common practice for them. They often used each other as a pillow, after all what else were best friends good for? She could smell his scent and found comfort in it; Johnathan had become a second brother to her. Being around him was just like being around her brother, a feeling of safety was always there.

Shopia laughed at his disgusted face. She tried to straighten out her face but couldn’t do so “Oh dead Merlin, you should see you face John,” she managed to get out . Still giggling she looked at him “It’s not that different, but you do seem to be getting the point” she agreed happily. “And just so you know I’ve never thought of you father in that way” she informed him sincerely. Sophia had never believed in dating younger guys, she always thought a guy had to be the same age or older, but not too much older, ten years tops, but the ten year thing was only acceptable once one was in their twenties, Sophia strongly believed that the perfect age gap was one to four years. She just had some odd belief that that would work best. She didn’t know why she thought this way but she did. “And I’ll greatly appreciate it,” she never wanted to hear of Johnathan and her mother romantically ever again. Just the thought of it made her shudder.

The blond nodded understandingly she knew that it was hard to imagine being legal, she wouldn’t be seventeen until November of next year, she still had seven months until she turned seventeen, she’d hardly thought about the changes that would bring, it meant that she’d be able to get her license to apparate she’d be able to vote and able to drink. Not that she hadn’t already drank, but she’d be able to so legally then. Sophia much to the surprise of many had drank, she’d never gotten full out drunk, she had a surprisingly high tolerance for alcohol, well surprisingly high by her standards anyways, she’d always thought she’d be the one who’d be drunk after half a glass of firewhiskey, but surprising she could hold her liquor. She’d learn this the previous summer when she and as few friends had gotten together and had found themselves alone, the original plan hadn’t been to get drunk, but a few guys had come over, and they had the access so they did. Sophia didn’t regret that night; it held great memories to her: the guys left around midnight leaving Sophia and another girl with three very drunk friends. It wasn’t too bad nursing them back, they’d simply stayed up talking until the others started to sober up. It had been a night full of giggles and gossip. There were no regrets for they’d allowed each other to have fun, without allowing them to do things they’d regret in the morning.

It was the morning after where the effects sat in, the girls realized the mess they had made, and spent the morning cleaning the house and hiding the empty bottles. By the time the adults had returned the girls looked liked they had had an innocent girls night. Sophia and her friends still laughed over the events of the nights.

“Where do you see yourself at that age?” she asked him quietly. She tried to imagine herself at the age of forty. It was odd to imagine herself any more then sixteen. But when she really thought about it, she could imagine herself being a mother of two of three children, four tops no more than four. None of them would be older then seventeen, of course. The hard part came when she tried to imagine the career she would have, she supposed she’d work in the ministry, she could always word in the Magical Games and Sports department, of maybe in Muggle Artifacts, she found muggles simple fascinating. They were amazing, the ways the found to get along without magic, it was simply outstanding in her opinion.

She laughed, “True, true.”. she said in reply to his comment about the French and the Birtish. She smiled understandingly at him, she patted his arm lightly “Dear Merlin, please tell me you aren’t torturing poor Alyson! At least I get away from my father every so often by coming to school, you’re sister is stuck with you. You need to let her make her own choices, she’s a good girl, she has a stable head on her shoulders” she reassured her friend. She loved Alyson like her own sister. She’d spent time with her over the years and thought she was the sweetest thing.

“Why thank you, I’m glad I’m not catty” she said happily. Ignoring the little feeling she got when Tinsley’s name was mentioned. Her feelings towards Tinsley were the equivalent to his feeling towards Scorpious. Her feeling towards Tinsley were recent, until a few months ago Tinsley and her got on quite well, but things had changed. Of course neither of them would admit to what changed. It was their secret. “I know you guys do, every person had their issues, I guess.” she said lightly

“I may reconsider but for the time being , if you can’t learn how to fly I will disown you,” she told him mockingly. She knew that even if didn’t learn how to fly, both he and she knew that he wouldn’t be disowned. They’d been through too much for it to all end now.

TAGGED.
WORDS.
NOTES.
LYRICS. Whataya Want From Me - Adam Lambert
MUSIC.
CREDITS. TO JURATE. AT CAUTION.

[jonathanhardcastle]

THERE ARE MANY THINGS I'D LIKE TO SAY TO

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YOU BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW. [/size][/color] [/color][/center]

Jonathan couldn't help but give her a surprised look, his brows instantly began to furrow as he contemplated what she'd said. What on earth was she talking about? Why hadn't he heard about this before? Surprise quickly turned to confusion as he thought about her words. Sophia couldn't hurt anyone, she was too good for something like that. Besides, wouldn't he have heard of it before now? He had been sure that the two of them had shared just about everything, even the less flattering things about themselves. Her next words, though they were said kindly, made him feel as though he was acting self-righteous, that he was...well, to put it simply, judgmental. He really hoped that wasn't the case. "What in the world are you talking about, Sophia? When did you hurt someone?" he asked curiously. "And differences between people is what makes the world go round, I'm not going to judge you because you 'aren't like me,'" he added, just in case she was worried about something as ridiculous as that.

He couldn't help but chuckle at her optimism. "Well, if you can believe in something like soulmates, then I'd imagine you'd believe in fate. What's meant to be will always find its way in the end," he replied, trying to mirror her idealistic thoughts. "So there's really nothing to worry about. We just have to enjoy the ride," he added with a smile. Of course, this didn't really sway his opinion either way, he was just trying to help her remain optimistic. There really were far too many people in the world for there to just be one person for everyone. Although, despite his rationality, there were times where he found himself believing this ludicrous nonsense. However, he made sure never to dwell on the idea for too long, it just didn't make any sort of logical sense. Jonathan tended to dismiss things which didn't seem rational or logical, which was both a strength and a flaw in his character.

Although he laughed along with her, he still couldn't get the mental image out of his mind. Ugh. He was sure that his face was pretty comical though. "I was hoping that you hadn't. I don't think he'd go for you anyways, he likes brunettes," he teased, trying to think of something other than Sophia and his father. It was always strange for Jonathan when he heard of people dating whose ages differed greatly. He once had heard of a seventeen year old dating a thirty year old. That was absolutely insane...and disgusting. it just wasn't, well, normal. He didn't think he could date someone who was even two years younger than him, he couldn't date someone who was his sister's age. But he didn't really want to date someone much older than him either. Perhaps his ideas of the age span he would date within would change once he was out of school, or once he hit twenty-five or something. For now though, he was happy to date a year younger, his age, or a year older. Outside of that, he just wasn't interested. Unless, of course, the girl was just perfect for him.

The idea of becoming an adult made Jonathan feel a lot of mixed feelings. For one, he felt nostalgic for his childhood. Though normally he wasn't a fan of living in the past, it was hard not to remember one's childhood with a certain fondness. Growing up in the country with his family was something he would never trade for the world. Things were much simpler then. He didn't have to worry about things like expectations, heartbreak, or guilt - through the eyes of a child the entire world was one giant yard ready to be explored. But one couldn't always look at the world that way. But on the other hand, being seventeen meant he could do a lot of things he hadn't been able to do before. He could perform magic outside of school, he could apparate, he could vote, hell he could even drink if he felt like doing so. Though it was unlikely he'd do that. It wasn't that he was against drinking; it just wasn't his thing. He didn't enjoy losing control of himself the way others seemed to. He also figured it had something to do with the last time he'd drank, which had been right after the Roxanne debacle. Drinking and ending up crying definitely hadn't been on his agenda but it somehow had happened anyways. He had now sworn off Firewhiskey.

Jonathan thought about her question for a moment. Where did he see himself? He knew what he'd like to have by then, so hopefully things would work out that way. "Well, hopefully I'll be a Healer," he began, knowing full well that by forty he'd be one. As long as he finished up his schooling with good enough grades. "And hopefully I'll still be in England. Probably would have a family by then, if I don't, I think I'll be having my mid-life crisis around then," he added with a chuckle. "But outside of the basics, I have a really difficult time envisioning what my life will be like by then," he added honestly. "What about you?" He wondered what she envisioned for herself.

A half-smile came on his face at her comment about Alyson. "Yeah, I know. But its harder than it seems. She's becoming more distant lately, probably because I always hound her about guys and she's all about them these days. But she seems to be letting them get in the way of her schoolwork, so I can't help but worry." While he was worried about her educational life, he knew that wasn't the reason he was worried about her sudden interest in the male population. That was just his excuse. He knew it was because he didn't want his sister with a guy who would break her heart, he didn't want that for her. What older brother would?

"Yeah, I don't know if we'd be as close if you were really catty or anything," he blurted. Though thankfully he couldn't imagine her as catty, much like he couldn't imagine them not being as close as they were. Now he couldn't help but wonder if Alyson was catty and he just didn't know about it. What if she was one of those girls? He sincerely hoped not. Damn. He really did worry about her too much. He chuckled, "Yup, everyone does have their issues. I have yet to meet someone who has none," he replied just as lightly, "Its what makes people interesting."

He laughed, "Well then let's hope, for the sake of our friendship, that I get the hang of it."

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[shona3]

IT'S ME - I'M A FREAK
( but thanks for loving me )
CAUSE YOU'RE DOING IT PERFECTLY.

The minutes the words left her mouth Sophia wished she could take them back. It was giving away too much. How could she have been so stupid? She’d managed to go months without dropping nay hints and now suddenly she’d just blurted out words like that to Johnathan, had she said them to anyone else, they’d simply shrug and walk away, or ignore it, but Johnathan knew her too well. He knew everything about her. Every flaw, every strength, hell at times it seemed that he knew her better then she knew herself. And usually she was fine with it; usually she loved the fact that he always knew where she was coming form. But this, this was her secret, her burden to bare. She was the reason a boy, no a man, was dead. She was the reason the Woods no longer had a son; she was the reason there were girls mopping around the school. It was her fault. She shouldn’t have agreed to meet him while he was sick. If she had just been more responsible he wouldn’t be dead. He would be alive and well and he’d rival her on the quidditch pitch. But all because of her stupidity and tardiness he was gone now.

After months of holding up a perfect mask, it seemed that it was faltering now. It seemed that she could no longer keep up her pretenses not around him. She wasn’t ready yet. She didn’t want to see hate in his eyes, she didn’t want him to see her as a murderer. That’s how she saw herself whenever she looked into the mirror, she didn’t think she could bare it if he started to look at her that way. She had to hold it together. She would hold it together. Forcing a genuine looking smile on her face, she forced out a little giggle “ Oh just in general, I mean I must have hurt someone at least once, it may even have been my brother,” she managed to get out, she tried to make her tone seem normal and light. Bubbly like she normally was. She heard his words about not judging her. She knew under normal circumstances he wouldn’t but she was the reason a boy was dead, those were not normal circumstances, after that what was the guarantee that he would judge her? Not that she would blame him if he did. He would be right in doing so.

She looked at him searchingly as he said they just needed to enjoy the ride. She knew he didn’t believe in that. He hadn’t believed in love since last year, when Roxanne had broken his heart. Since that day he hadn’t believed in love, he was quite cynical when it came to anything concerning romance. Sophia view it as a loss, she was sure there was someone out there for him, the only thing was, that it wasn’t Roxanne, it was another girl. She just didn’t know who. She knew he would find someone and when he did he would forget all about the past and be able to move on. Be able to live his life happily. “I guess we do” she told him with a smile.

Sophia tilted her head and giggled when he told her that his father only liked brunettes. “ Good thing you’re not blond then,” she teased him lightly. Sophia had never seen her friend’s father in that light, she saw him in more of a parental light. She respected him as she did her own father. Thinking of him in any other light simply wasn’t possible, especially not a romantic one. He had always been and always would be Johnathan’s father to her. He could never be anything more, not that he wanted to be more; he was after all happily married. And she well she was in a relationship of sorts. If that’s what one would call what she had with Scorpious.

She didn’t know how the world would describe her relationship with him, but she knew what many thought and their thoughts weren’t the fondest, many thought she was better off with someone else. But they didn’t know him as she did. He was a good guy and he cared about her. She knew he did, maybe he didn’t always show it in the way most people did, but he loved her. He had to, she loved him. She couldn’t even imagine herself with anyone but him. She knew he was a bit rough around the edges, but he really was a sweetheart on the inside.

She nodded as he talked about becoming a healer. It was what he’d always wanted to be, and she knew he would make it. He had the drive to do it and the ability. It would all work out for him, she was sure of it. “I’d like to have a career, maybe something in the ministry, I guess, and married with kids. I guess in reality I just want the white picket fence life, the one where everything just works out perfectly.” she admitted sheepishly. She knew she sounded like a little girl when she said that, but there was nothing wrong with wanting to be in love with your husband, with the father of your children. It was what her parents had and it’s what she wanted.

Sophia laughed and let her charcoal pencil slip from her finger as she giggled at her friend’s words. She patted his arm with a knowing smile. “My brother did the same thing to me, but you know, even if she does get her heart broken she knows she has you and she knows that she can rely on you to go curse him into oblivion if she wants. The more you hold her back the further she’ll pull away. “ she told him with a smile playing on her lips. “But this really is the sweetest thing ever, you’re adorable when you worry about your sister” she told him with a small smirk playing on her lips. With her piece said Sophia picked up her charcoal once more and went back to drawing.

She raised a pale eyebrow at him and smiled as he told her he wouldn’t be as close to her if she were a catty girl. “Hmm, it seems that our friendship is headed for the rocks, because I’m quite catty when it comes to teaching people how to fly” she mocked lightly. She wasn’t sure if this was the truth or not, she’d never taught anyone to fly before.

TAGGED. Johnny
WORDS. just under 1100
NOTES. sorry it took so long
LYRICS. Whataya Want From Me - Adam Lambert
MUSIC.
CREDITS. TO JURATE. AT CAUTION.

[jonathanhardcastle]

May 10, 2010 20:28:03 GMT @jonathanhardcastle said:

THERE ARE MANY THINGS I'D LIKE TO SAY TO

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YOU BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW. [/size][/color] [/color][/center]

Jonathan wasn't sure if he believed her or not. She could probably see his mind whirling, wondering what to think of everything. Of course there was nothing wrong with sibling fighting, it was just for play. But the way that she had said 'I can and I have' seemed to hold something far darker than horsing around with her brothers. It was possible that he was looking too far into things, he could just be over-thinking the entire ordeal. If it hadn't been for the fact that he knew Sophia almost better than he knew himself, he might have just believed that he was over analyzing the whole thing. But for some unknown reason, he couldn't help but get the feeling that she was hiding something from him. And that was odd given the fact that they were normally so open with one another. Even when he had done something he was truly ashamed of, he always knew that he could come to Sophia and she would be free of judgment. And he had always thought he was the same person for her. So why would she need to feel the need to hide something from him? It was uncharacteristic of their friendship; she had to know that he would never judge her. Sometimes even the most wonderful of people did bad things, it was human nature to err.

He wasn't sure what the right thing to do was. Should he continue to question her about it? Should he let her know that he didn't fully believe her? Or should he let her keep her secrets? She must have a reason for not wanting to share it with him or else she wouldn't be keeping things from him. But what on earth could she have done that was horrible enough for her to believe that he couldn't handle it? He was teetering on a thin line, unable to tell which way he would fall. If he asked her if she was telling the truth, she might just get mad at him. There was even a chance that she was telling him the truth and if that was the case, it would be pointless for her to get upset with him. The smile on her face had seemed genuine enough and her tone had been her normal light and bubbly tone but there seemed to be something different about it. But maybe he only thought that because he was suspicious in the first place. "Are you sure that's all?" he asked, trying to keep the suspicion from his tone but he was sure his face was giving him away. He'd always been downright terrible at hiding his emotions or thoughts, he'd never been a talented liar. But he had never really found a reason to become one either. Honesty was the best policy, right?

He could tell that Sophia knew he was only saying these things for her benefit. He had told her numerous times about his newly found cynicism when it came to love. Though there were still times where he thought about giving it another shot, he just knew that time wasn't coming soon. And who had time for that sort of stuff these days? There was so much going on around them. What with the whole poison incident coupled with the copious amounts of homework the professors were giving out these days, there just wasn't much time for that kind of social engagement. "Yup. Everything comes when its supposed to happen," he replied in a rare whimsical tone.

He laughed at her words. "Seriously, I'd hate to have my own father dislike me just because of my hair color," he replied grinning. He knew she never looked at his father that way. There had been many times she'd told him he was practically like a second father to her. Besides, she wasn't giving any male a chance unless their names were Scorpius. Which was something that really frustrated Jonathan. It wasn't because he wanted Sophia for himself, far from that actually. He just thought that Scorpius treated her like shit. And she deserved so much better than that. She deserved to be treated like royalty while Scorpius treated her as though she were some lowly servant merely there for entertainment rather than actual romantic feelings.

He had always heard that one shouldn't judge a relationship too harshly from the outside. Generally the only people who understood said relationship were the people in it. But that was a hard concept for Jonathan to respect when it came to Sophia and Scorpius. Not only because Sophia was one of his best friends in the entire world but also because Scorpius was complete scum. It was hard for him to see what she saw in him, there was nothing flattering about his character. Hopefully she wasn't shallow enough to only go for him based on his looks. He knew she wasn't though, she was better than that.

He chuckled. "I think that's what most people want in the end, the whole white picket fence thing. But what would you want to do in the Ministry?" he asked curiously. He was wondering what her recent career expedition would be. He knew she had toyed around with the idea of going into the Department of Magical Games and Sports, something which his mother was a part of. It seemed right up Sophia's alley, she was in love with Quidditch after all. It was one job that Jonathan could never ever do. He'd be miserable every single day of his life. Sometimes he wished he could be more macho and like sports like every other male but it just wasn't something which struck his fancy.

He rolled his eyes when she called him adorable. "Then I must be adorable most of the time. I can't help but worry about her. I know you're right though, I should give her more space. It's not that simple though. I can sit here and tell myself day in and day out that she can handle her own life but something just won't let me butt out of her life," he replied, sounding a little frustrated with himself. He'd always been that way, ever since he could remember. Even when they were little and playing around outside, Alyson would trip or something and get hurt. Jonathan always found a way to blame himself for it, every single time. He knew it sounded crazy and he probably had some sort of mental problem but he was always willing to put any blame on himself when it came to his little sister.

He laughed heartily at her comment. "Oh yeah? I'm actually intrigued by that. I can't even imagine you being catty. I think that could be mildly entertaining," he replied with another laugh. Sophia just wasn't that type of girl, not in his eyes anyways. It was hard for him to picture her being like all the others, catty and rude. She was far too sweet for all of that nonsense.

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----------------------------------------- WORDS! 1166 // SETTING! lake // CREDIT! BELLA DOESN'T OWN A SWAN ? @ CAUTION, BBY.

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[shona3]

IT'S ME - I'M A FREAK
( but thanks for loving me )
CAUSE YOU'RE DOING IT PERFECTLY.

This conversation was going in a dangerous direction. One she hadn’t wanted it to go. How had she let those words spill? She knew how, she had never been able to keep things from him. She had always told him everything and he had returned the sentiment. But there were something a person should keep to themselves. She could see the skepticism in his eyes. And for the first time in months she considered telling someone. She considered letting him know what was happening inside of her, sharing her guilt, showing the blood stains on her hands. Sharing the knowledge she had that she was the reason a person was dead.
Sophia felt her chest tighten. She felt a weight drop down on her heart. It felt as though her throat was tightening and breathing was getting harder. She knew if she didn’t stop this now tears would overflow, and then the lies would come undone and trouble would start. She didn’t want trouble, she wanted this to be over, she wanted the virus done with and locked away in the past. She just could deal with it if the emotions kept on coming back to haunt her. She needed to stay strong and keep it together.

When he asked her again she simply smiled reassuringly and nodded. She had made her decision. She didn’t want to burden him with this secret. It was better that he didn’t know. He deserved a clear conscience. He shouldn’t have to keep her murder a secret he should be able to live honestly. She knew that she needed to end this conversation. She needed to go. If she stayed she would end up blurting it out. He knew her much too well and could always tell when something was bothering her and when she was lying to him. She knew he’d be able to tell she wasn’t being honest.

That was the problem with having a friend that knew you too well; they were always able to tell when you were lying to them. They always knew what you did that was odd and what was normal. She knew her abrupt departure would send off a gazillion red warning flags, but she had too. She simply couldn’t stay. What she needed was a good excuse to leave, one that he may just accept as to the reason for her leaving. She just had to find it,

Her mind was whirling as she tried to come up with a legitimate sounding excuse as to why she had to leave suddenly. In an attempt to hide her face as she figured out her escape route she bent her head a buried it in her drawing. She bit her bottom lip as she drew a few strokes of his face; she absentmindedly smudged a few lines creating shadows along his face. She felt guilty, she’d never lied to him before, it seemed that that was all she was doing these days, but it couldn’t be helped.

Hiding her face she continued to draw, suddenly an excuse came to her. Scorpius. He’d believe that she would leave if she had to meet up with him. All she had to do was say that she was meeting with him, roll up her stuff and hurry away. Johnathan would believe that she had plans with Scorpius. He wouldn’t be happy about it, but he would believe it. All she had to do was manage to sound honest and keep her voice from giving her away. Once she got away, she’d simply hide herself in the Hufflepuff common room, preferably in her dorm where no one would see her. Silently telling herself it would work, Sophia convinced herself it was a good idea.

Sophia put down her charcoal and glanced at her watch “Oh Merlin! I’m late!” she said her voice wavering slightly. “I’m sorry Jon, but I have to go, I promised to meet Scorpius five minutes ago. He’ll be furious! I’ll talk to you later okay?” she said her voice still wavering as she gathered up her stuff quickly. She knew she hadn’t been very convincing, but she hoped that maybe, for once, the Ravenclaw wouldn’t be smart and buy her lie, maybe he’d mistake the shaking voice as a fear of Scopius’s anger? With one last small smile she got up and hurried off towards the castle. She knew she’d have to avoid him for a while. At least until he forgot about her odd behavior.

TAGGED. Johnny
WORDS. 700ish
NOTES. just thought some drama would be nice.
LYRICS. Whataya Want From Me - Adam Lambert
MUSIC.
CREDITS. TO JURATE. AT CAUTION.